April Fools Staffing Page 2014

Kris –  Regularly tries to steer conversations into quotes from the TV show, Diff’rent Strokes, believing that he is what Willis was talkin’ ‘bout.

Chris – Chris was frozen while trading furs in the Yukon during the gold rush, recently thawed and put to work at TBGoods. He has a tattoo of President McKinley on his chest.

Drew –  Drew was the 1973 State Bowling Champion, but had his title stripped because of a doping controversy.

Lee – He has an impressive survivalist skill set, part of which he honed by regularly eating his own weight in pine cones.

Angel –  In her spare time, Angel makes quilts for old ships to keep their timbers from actually shivering

Aaron –  Legend tells of a man that will come and bring balance to the land. Aaron just brought some potato salad.

Matthew – May have been sent from the future to kill John Connor.

Jason – This year’s model feature all-new rugged styling and a posh leather interior, but still lacks enough cupholders.

Rob – Bitten by a radioactive weevil, Rob fights crime from his secret lair inside a giant sack of flour.

Renzo – In a world where darkness has covered the land, one man is not afraid to plug in a nightlight.

Jessica –  *may cause certain side effects, consult a doctor first to see if Jessica™ is right for you

Kayla – Revived from an 11-year coma, Kayla has an amazing photographic memory that she uses exclusively to memorize the ingredients on cereal boxes and shampoo bottles.

Malia –  Previously consulted at a top culinary school because Malia could distinguish between ‘chicken’ and ‘tastes like chicken’.

Ben – Ben has a tombstone ready that reads “He was a loose cannon, but still a good cop.”

Candace – It’s turtles! Turtles all the way down!